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While my tea with the queen of England is yet to be arranged by whatever powers may be, tomorrow I will be having tea with Prince William’s seventh cousin. Yes you heard me. I am having tea with the Duke of Cambridge’s seventh cousin. For security reasons I will not divulge on who this seventh cousin may be. I understand that Prince William himself is next in line to the royal throne; I have to say that I am less interested in having tea with any of the princes. It is the Queen I must have tea with. Fortunately time is not against me as however long it takes for the powers that be to get their act together, the Queen will be with us for a very, very long time. This is granted that the United Kingdom does not change its national anthem. The secret to the Queen’s longevity lies in the only time the majority of the English ever pray, this is when they sing “God save the Queen.” This must be just about God’s main prayer to answer in the UK. He must not only enjoy answering this prayer because it is prayed in unity but He must want to keep the Queen alive for as long as possible as she seems to be the main point of contact between the UK and heaven. I can imagine all those scattered angels who are starved of action wishing they had more to do but at least they have “God save the Queen” to keep them busy with some form of activity no matter how little there is really to do with all those body guards and men in red and black doing such a fine job.

The Queen unlike Mugabe flourishes on that throne because of the millions who pray for her even if that is the only time they ever do pray. Mugabe on the other hand is a mystery. He once said that only God can remove him from office. Imagine that? Mugabe’s throne is under threat and has been under extreme pressure from the international community for as long as I became aware that there was a Zimbabwe. Mugabe must indeed be there by the great mercies and powers of God. No man or woman can keep themselves alive no matter who they are. Not even the King of Pop could keep himself from popping when the time came. Money, talent, fame could not keep him from breathing his last. The Nando’s advert paid an unforgettable tribute to Mugabe as the Last Dictator Standing after the world’s dictators fell like dominos; of which none of those falls were as horrifying as the horrible killing of Gaddaffi. The advert was banned on our South African TV. We truly know how to love our neighbour. This neighbour however does not give the same love back as he has insulted South Africa recently, mocking our rainbow nation because he thinks a blacker country is better. We are good neighbours we let the old man speak his mind and we kept our rainbow in the sky. I once heard a reliable Zimbabwean begging God to strike the man with lightning. The prayer was not answered, God must like Mugabe. Nando’s should’ve called their advert “God’s favourite Dictator” as Mugabe lasted two more terms after that. The Queen on the other hand sits on her throne unchallenged. No one vaguely speaks of the many crimes of her throne of which Mugabe is the most bitter. She hardly says anything. She seems to barely make a movement, yet her slightest movement cause the world to cheer, such as that slight facial movement some have identified as a smile and a lifting of the hand to a point that has been called a wave. This of course I have also been told is the mark of all sophistication in the whole earth.

Recently Mugabe said that he must not be interrogated about the length of his rule for as long as the queen sits on her throne unquestioned. Perhaps I missed an important announcement about Zim being a monarchy. We do not sing “God save the queen or king or Zuma”, we sing “God save Afrika”. This is a true reflection of the spirit of our continent; the individual exists because of the community. The community comes before the individual. I hope Mugabe does not read this article as he might change the national anthem to “God save Mugabe” to make him immortal. What am I saying? Zimbabweans are happy to have such a president; they cannot find a different man or woman to lead their country but Mugabe.

I will have tea with the seventh cousin of the next king perhaps if I keep having these teas I will eventually make my way to the queen. You have to start somewhere and I think this is an impressive start. Hopefully she will put in a good word for me as no threat to the throne. I come in peace.

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